Just kidding.
But I am getting a lot of practice!
Embarrassment is a daily occurence. I psych myself up to go into a store, all the while knowing that at some point in the conversation the clerk is going to say something and I'm going to stand there with a blank look on my face, completely ignorant, feeling stupid.
I am completely dependent on the mercy of others. Whereas in the US, I could make my friendships what I wanted them to be, or I could be the warm and welcoming one in church, here the language barrier holds me back. And the fact that I don't know the area. Or that I don't have a car.
I am dependent on other people introducing themselves, deigning to speak in English to me, or being patient while I try to speak in German to them.
Since I don't know anybody, I am dependent on others to invite me over, or tell me about events.
Taking and needing is difficult. Dependence is difficult. My spirit rises up against it. My instinctive reaction is to pull away, to leave church early, to stay home and not put myself in a position where I can be embarrassed. But necessity dictates, food must be purchased; and the Holy Spirit pushes.
And maybe, in some small way, I am beginning to recognize my own complete inability, stupidity, and failure before God, and my complete dependence on His grace.
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